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The first smile…the first step…the first word. Every parent awaits these milestones with giddy anticipation. Today’s parents have access to more knowledge about infant development than ever before – but this can be a mixed blessing. Timelines, statistics, and averages abound, from the magazines in your pediatrician’s waiting room to the “report card” you’re handed after your child’s exam. When a baby falls behind his peers developmentally, waiting for milestones can quickly turn to worrying. Child development encompasses many areas: motor skills, sensory, feeding, communication, behavioral/social…the list goes on and on.

Each child develops at his or her own pace. Lagging a bit in some areas – and racing ahead in others – is part of what makes each baby unique. If your child’s development warrants extra attention, though, your gut will likely let you know. Don’t ignore it. The most effective tools in any parent’s arsenal are intuition and information. Significant delays in skills such as rolling over, sitting up, and walking are visible “red flags” that may warrant further investigation. Social and emotional variances can be harder to spot. The American Academy of Pediatrics website is a great source of information to help you assess your child’s development. Click here to view their developmental timetables.

If you do have concerns, it’s a good idea to seek answers – and, if necessary, developmental services – as early as possible. Identifying and addressing a child’s needs as early as possible has benefits for the entire family – and gives a child the very best chance at achieving his or her full potential. When initiating the screening process, it helps to know what steps to take to get the information you need. The operative word here is steps. Take them one at a time. Remember that most families never have to go beyond step one!

• Step 1: Don’t panic. While you’re wise to follow your instincts, remember that the majority of differences in development can be chalked up to your child’s temperament, interests, and individual learning style. Timelines are only guidelines. If your child is “behind” the baby next door, chances are she’s ahead of the little guy at the end of the street.
  
• Step 2: Talk to your pediatrician. Your child’s doctor can provide lots if information about typical development and help you decide whether further investigation is warranted. If you don’t feel you’re getting adequate or accurate information from your child’s doctor, you may decide to make a referral yourself to one of the agencies discussed in the next step.
• Step 3: Make the right call. Contacting the right parties from the beginning will save you valuable time and effort. Your pediatrician should be able to refer you to appropriate agencies in your area, and can help you arrange for screenings and appointments. If your child is under the age of three, you may be referred to your local Children’s Developmental Services Agency (CDSA). This State agency provides diagnostic evaluations, service coordination, and access to therapy services – usually at little or no cost to families. Child service coordinators make regular visits to children’s homes or child care facilities to provide information and resources, Medicaid enrollment assistance, and much more.
  If your child is three or older, you may be referred to your school district’s Exceptional Children’s (EC) or Special Education department. (Find information for your county's EC office here.) Like the CDSA, this agency offers diagnostic and therapy services for children in Preschool through grade 12. Child service coordination is also available to families enrolled in Preschool special education services. You may not need to contact either of these agencies right away. Depending on your concerns, your pediatrician (or you) may first consult a medical specialist, a physical or occupational therapist, a speech pathologist, a child psychologist, or another professional for evaluation. Any of these professionals – and any parent – may submit referrals to the CDSA or the local special education office.
• Step 4: Don’t be afraid to get second opinions. In some cases, you may visit a whole slew of “experts” before finding someone who recognizes your child’s unique needs. In other cases, it may take a few tries to find practitioners who take the time to fully explain their findings and help you plan to meet your child’s needs. If you’re left with more questions than answers, don’t hesitate to keep asking – even if it means asking someone new.
• Step 5: Get support for your child. Learn about typical development, and identify the areas in which your child needs the most support. If your child is under 3, you and your early intervention team will create an Individualized Family Service Plan (IFSP) specifying goals for your child, and planning for the services he or she will need to reach them. After the third birthday, your local special education office will partner with you to develop an Individual Education Plan (IEP), which also lays out measurable goals for your child, and guides his or her therapy services and school placement. The Exceptional Children’s Assistance Center (ECAC) offers free information packets for families describing the IFSP & IEP processes, as well as parents’ rights.
• Step 6: Get support for yourself. When a child is diagnosed with special needs, families can go through a process of grieving. Before becoming parents, we spend many hours daydreaming about what our children will be like. Rarely, if ever, do those daydreams include things like disability, illness, social isolation, or lifelong dependency. While we still adore and delight in our children, our parenting reality may look very different from what we expected. Meanwhile, our usual sources of support may not be equipped to give us the help we need. Grandparents may grieve the loss of the “perfect grandchild” they’d hoped for, while also worrying about their own children’s pain. Friends may harbor old, unrealistic expectations of our availability, or may feel that their own problems don’t matter anymore. Even partners may experience tension as their coping behaviors emerge in different – and not always complimentary – ways. It’s easy for parents to feel isolated and overwhelmed. For many parents, nothing helps in quite the same way as connecting with others who have “been there.” That’s where the Family Support Network comes in. Through our access to local, state, and even national networks, we can introduce families whose children have similar needs and challenges for a special kind of empathetic support. Our support groups, trainings, and recreational events also give families a chance to become part of a strong, supportive community of others who share their joys and challenges.
• Step 7: Establish positive, open relationships with your child’s “team.” When your child is undergoing evaluation, you may be getting a lot of news you simply (and understandably) don’t want to hear. If you disagree with an assessment, try to communicate your concerns positively and constructively. Most service providers take on the long hours and heavy caseloads associated with caring for children with special needs because they genuinely care about helping each one reach his or her full potential. At the same time, remember that YOU are the most important member of your child’s service team. You will encounter experts in many subjects along your journey, but you will always be the ultimate expert on your child. Learn as much as you can about his needs, and how they will change as he grows. Make sure her service plan includes your own dreams and goals for her. Ask what you can do at home to help support his development. Also, speak up if a doctor or service provider just doesn’t “click” with your child. As with any relationship, sometimes the chemistry simply isn’t there. Examinations and therapy sessions should feel as relaxed, upbeat, and close to playtime as possible. If they remind you more of root canals, discuss alternatives with your service coordinator.
• Step 8: DREAM BIG. With today’s medical, psychological, and educational sophistication, there’s no telling how your child’s future may unfold, regardless of his or her challenges. When we are faced with the prospect of living with a child’s disability, optimism doesn’t always come easily. We may find ourselves on roads we never imagined we’d travel. Fortunately, there are many wonderful people stationed along these roads, who will become lifelong friends. The scenery can be breathtaking, with roadside attractions both rare and spectacular. There are dark valleys, and awe-inspiring peaks. Most importantly, the child in the back seat with you now is exactly the same one you started out with. And you’ll make it...together.